6 weeks...

I can't believe that I have a child who is 6 weeks old. And I still feel like I have absolutely no control over our days. Hopefully that is normal, but if not, I'm starting to not care - that must be the sleep deprivation talking...

So, I am writing about 6 weeks, because we had to go back to the pediatrician since Jayna is not gaining weight - well, enough weight. So, today at 6 weeks and 1 day, she's weighing in at a hefty 8 lbs even. It's crazy to me that other people have bigger babies at birth - to us, she seems so much bigger, but she's not even 2 lbs bigger than she was 6 weeks ago. The pediatrician hasn't fired us yet as her parents, but when we go back for her 2 month check-up, things might be different.

For the past 2 days, she hasn't stopped eating, so we're hoping that this is a growth spurt - hopefully something will come out of it other than her getting taller - she's in the 75th percentile for height, but only 10th for weight... I guess husband and I are not that big, so we can't expect her to be a chunker, but we'd like her to stay on the percentile chart...

Looking back over the past 6 weeks, I'd say that this has been a lot harder than I ever expected. Oliver has been amazing - he should be awarded the "best dad of the first 6 weeks" title, but it's still different. The time has been so hard for me because I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, which I realize is something that I can control, but I just can't help it. She's not gaining enough weight, so of course I think that it's my fault and that I'm not feeding her enough. Every time she cries, is fussing, or gets cranky, my first thought is that she's hungry and she's not getting enough from me. I know that breastmilk is best, but if it's making me this stressed out, it may not be worth it in the long run. I'm going to stick with it until her 2 month appointment and see if she's gaining more weight. If not, I may throw in the towel...

So, some things that she is doing at 6 weeks:

1) still staring at us - it's like she's trying to take in every inch of our faces - and we love it!

2) discovering her feet - she kicks everything - this is great except when I'm feeding her because when she kicks she and she's attached to me, it hurts.

3) always wants to be held - this is cute for a while, until we want to sleep, eat, go to the bathroom, or really do anything other than hold her. I keep reading that you can't spoil her at this age, so I'll continue to hold her - I know at some point she won't want to be held anymore...

4) smiling - she's been smiling in her sleep, which is so adorable, but she's finally started to smile at us. the 'reactive' smiles can all probably be counted on one hand right now, but we're really looking forward to more.

5) cooing - she's talking/cooing at us. She'll try to mimic sounds when she hears them (at least we think this is what she's doing).

6) showering - we've given up the baths and I have been taking her in the shower with me - she seems to LOVE this! We're gonna need to find some swim lessons for her soon!

She's basically perfect right now with the exception of the weight gain, so hopefully she's start beefing up soon and then everything will be ok...

Jayna - please start gaining weight - otherwise you're gonna get picked on in school for being too small...