the pity party is over...

last night at 6pm, i bought 2 tickets to the U2 concert online. $70 total. totally worth every cent because during the concert i had an epiphany. i was standing up and dancing in place singing along to a great song when it hit me - my child has been alive for 11 weeks, and i've basically been a miserable human being during that time.

yeah, breastfeeding has been hard, but so what? that's what i have to complain about? i had a gorgeous, healthy child, the easiest childbirth recovery ever, lost my weight in no time at all, but all i'm fixated on is the breastfeeding... but no more! I'm so fortunate to have the best husband ever, a pretty cool child (from what i can tell at 11 weeks) and i'm happy and healthy. we both have great jobs, great families, great friends... i can't complain about anything - so from this point forward, i will stop.

and in the spirit of embracing my life, here are 5 things that i'm thankful for right now in this moment (Thanksgiving has come early this year folks!):

I am thankful for... (in no particular order)

5. a husband who wants to pick up and go to a U2 concert on a Tuesday night after work (I would never have done this without him)
4. for the best parents who at a moments notice will come over and babysit their granddaughter until 12am...
3. for my daughter... yesterday in my breast feeding support group, she was all smiles and was a little chatty cathy... it was awesome!
2. getting to spend time with 2 of my favorite people yesterday - one, over a 2-hr lunch, and the other, over a 1-hr phone call - good times...
1. for the 9 hours that my daughter slept last night... wow...

oh, and what was the song that caused this revelation you ask?

Stuck in a moment

"You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it"

so, next week, when i complain about something else, remind me of this post... :) thanks!

The last few weeks...

What we've been up to...

Well, it's basically been focused on Jayna's weight. To catch you up, she hasn't been gaining weight... So, finally on 9/25 (weighing in at 8.8lbs), we met with an Occupational Therapist to do an evaluation on her sucking. Drumroll people... she's bad at it. Apparently her mouth muscles need some work, so we've been doing some exercises to strengthen them while supplementing with bottles. We noticed an immediate improvement as she's never been able to hold in a pacifier and can finally do it (small victories). And to think we just assumed that she didn't like them...

So, we did this plan (exercises, bottles, etc.) through the weekend and went to the pediatrician on Monday (9/28) and she weighed in at 9lbs!!! Yay weight gain!

2 month weigh in stats (these were done on 9/28, so 5 days late). She's 9lbs (10th percentile), is 22.5 inches tall (60th percentile) and has a huge head - can't remember how big, but it's 75th percentile... not sure what this means. and since she's so huge (9lbs), i no longer have to go in for weight checks!!!

She got 2 shots and frankly she was a champ. She screamed for about 3 seconds and then we fed her and she was fine. Completely fine. I did give her 1 dose of tylenol before the shot, but really I should have given it to Oliver who was more upset than she was. Come on people - it's a shot!

Here we are another week later and still trucking through breastfeeding. I'm still threatening to quit everyday, although it seems that my milk supply may quit on me first. I'm getting crazy clogs since we've been giving her bottles and am not really able to pump them out. On top of that, I think I've gotten thrush which is adding in shooting pains to the mix... Have I mentioned that I hate breastfeeding? My new goal is October 23rd - 3 months. And for all of you people judging me, I've done everything humanly possible to keep going at this... if you have any suggestions of how I can make this better, please let me know... Maybe I'll get some advice tomorrow in my breastfeeding support group. Yup, I go to one...

2 months...

I've been bad about posting pictures - here are the two month pictures with Mr. Bear...

My Best Friend's Wedding...

cue the music and dancing lobsters...

Last weekend (August 29th), my friend Erin, who I've known since 7th grade, got married. And she married my friend from work, Matt (yes, I'm starting my own match-making service since I've been so successful!)

For months, I've feared that I wouldn't fit into my dress, or that I would have a tramatic delivery and wouldn't be able to dance at her wedding. Well, I'm happy to report that I worried for no reason! The dress fit and I danced up a storm!

It was a great weekend and thanks to my parents, we were able to enjoy all of the events without having to worry about Jayna! But I will say that at the end of the night, I was very happy to see her again!

the circus is still in town...

so, as you may know, we had people staying with us almost full-time for the first 4 weeks after Jayna was born. i basically decided that if i could get through August, i could get through anything... well, August ended with a visit from the Michler-Weniger family from Germany - all 5 of them (3 little boys!!!).

It was much easier than I ever could have expected - the boys were super well behaved, but it pretty much sealed the deal for me that I can not handle having 3 children (sorry husband). I'm barely surviving with 1 - i can't imagine how Inga handles 3 boys... but they sure are cute!

6 weeks...

I can't believe that I have a child who is 6 weeks old. And I still feel like I have absolutely no control over our days. Hopefully that is normal, but if not, I'm starting to not care - that must be the sleep deprivation talking...

So, I am writing about 6 weeks, because we had to go back to the pediatrician since Jayna is not gaining weight - well, enough weight. So, today at 6 weeks and 1 day, she's weighing in at a hefty 8 lbs even. It's crazy to me that other people have bigger babies at birth - to us, she seems so much bigger, but she's not even 2 lbs bigger than she was 6 weeks ago. The pediatrician hasn't fired us yet as her parents, but when we go back for her 2 month check-up, things might be different.

For the past 2 days, she hasn't stopped eating, so we're hoping that this is a growth spurt - hopefully something will come out of it other than her getting taller - she's in the 75th percentile for height, but only 10th for weight... I guess husband and I are not that big, so we can't expect her to be a chunker, but we'd like her to stay on the percentile chart...

Looking back over the past 6 weeks, I'd say that this has been a lot harder than I ever expected. Oliver has been amazing - he should be awarded the "best dad of the first 6 weeks" title, but it's still different. The time has been so hard for me because I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, which I realize is something that I can control, but I just can't help it. She's not gaining enough weight, so of course I think that it's my fault and that I'm not feeding her enough. Every time she cries, is fussing, or gets cranky, my first thought is that she's hungry and she's not getting enough from me. I know that breastmilk is best, but if it's making me this stressed out, it may not be worth it in the long run. I'm going to stick with it until her 2 month appointment and see if she's gaining more weight. If not, I may throw in the towel...

So, some things that she is doing at 6 weeks:

1) still staring at us - it's like she's trying to take in every inch of our faces - and we love it!

2) discovering her feet - she kicks everything - this is great except when I'm feeding her because when she kicks she and she's attached to me, it hurts.

3) always wants to be held - this is cute for a while, until we want to sleep, eat, go to the bathroom, or really do anything other than hold her. I keep reading that you can't spoil her at this age, so I'll continue to hold her - I know at some point she won't want to be held anymore...

4) smiling - she's been smiling in her sleep, which is so adorable, but she's finally started to smile at us. the 'reactive' smiles can all probably be counted on one hand right now, but we're really looking forward to more.

5) cooing - she's talking/cooing at us. She'll try to mimic sounds when she hears them (at least we think this is what she's doing).

6) showering - we've given up the baths and I have been taking her in the shower with me - she seems to LOVE this! We're gonna need to find some swim lessons for her soon!

She's basically perfect right now with the exception of the weight gain, so hopefully she's start beefing up soon and then everything will be ok...

Jayna - please start gaining weight - otherwise you're gonna get picked on in school for being too small...

1 month old

Jayna,

You're now 1 month old. It's hard to believe it. Not because you're growing up too fast or anything like that, but because a little over a month ago you were still inside of me. It feels like years have passed since I was pregnant - not weeks.

Things that you're doing right now:

1) Grunting - wow, I never knew that babies grunted so much - the pediatrician says it's normal - but man are you loud.

2) Hiccups - at first I thought the hiccups were cute, but now they're just plain annoying. Everytime you start falling asleep, they seem to appear and this keeps you awake.

3) Awake time - what's up with this? I thought I was supposed to sleep when you sleep - how can I do this when you're always awake? Yeah, you sleep great at night, but during the day you like to stay up as much as possible.

4) Swinging - Jay and Sheri gave us their swing and you just love it - you stare at the fish as you swing and grunt happily.

5) Screaming - wow do you have some good lungs. The screaming mainly happens around your hunger. I don't really understand this since we're usually waking you up to eat anyway. If you could sleep through your hunger, how come you start screaming for food as soon as we wake you up - you go from 0 to 60 in like 2 seconds.

6) Feeding noises - We've labeled you little miss piggy when you're eating because you grunt, snore, snort, and cough/choke because you're gulping so fast. We've got to teach you table manners...

7) Eye contact - you like to stare at us - we like this a lot... We just wish you'd sleep a little more and stare a little less...

8) Burping - I leave this one for last because you make the best facial expressions when you're being burped. I find you to be the cutest during these times!

I think 8 is enough for this month. We've decided to take your monthly picture with Mr. Bear so we can see how you grow! Hopefully next month you'll be a little bigger (apparently you're in the 10th percentile for weight, but 75th for length)!

Anyway, it's been fun watching you change over this past month - you were really light skinned, then you got dark, and now you're light again. Your eyes have gone from blue to a grey color, and you seem to be losing some hair... I look forward to seeing how different you are next month!

Love, mom