Pregnancy...

...is much harder than I expected.

Oliver read a pregnancy book (yup, he's on book #2, and I'm still on book #1), which describes this guy's experience and how blissful those 9 months were... We're wondering when that part starts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited (read here if you don't believe me), but there are a lot of things that I hadn't anticipated...

1) Feeling like I'm going to vomit everytime I go into the bathroom. I can't explain this sensation, but bathrooms clearly gross me out. This is problematic since I have to pee all the time.

2) Feeling like I'm going to vomit everytime I brush my teeth. Again, a problem because if I didn't brush my teeth, the smell would probably make me want to vomit.

3) Smells - People at work eating smelly food. Someone today was eating Thai food (which I greatly dislike) and I had to chew gum and go wash my hands so that I could smell them (soap) to keep me from vomiting. The problem was that this required me to go to the bathroom and almost made me vomit.

4) Weight Gain - With all of the vomiting, you'd think I'd be skinny, but I'm not - I'm fat. Ok, not really, but I'm in the 'fat' pregnancy stage. Not quite big enough to really look pregnant, but bigger than normal, so people probably think I've been spending too much time at the local Krispy Kreme.

5) The fat thing - I can't find clothes that fit. All of my shirts seem to be too short or too small. But the next size up doesn't quite fit yet, so I just look like a sloppy dresser. Where did my waist go???

6) Again on the fat thing - have I mentioned how much I hate it? I've always told my friends who have complained about this before that it's supposed to happen and it's so exciting. I apologize to all of you right now. That's the worst answer. It certainly doesn't make me feel better - and seriously, did you think I didn't know that? Weight gain is weight gain - I don't care what it's for. I know that when the baby is happy and healthy this will all have been worth it, but right now, it's quite sucky.

7) Decisions - it's hard to make decisions on what to do, what to get, what to register for, what daycare to enroll in, whether to work or not... I know there's no perfect answer, but I'm already growing the baby, can't someone else make all of the decisions?

ok, that's it for now - kajal pointed out that 7 is a lucky number, so I'll end with that.

as a final thought, husband is fantastic - i mean, out of this world AMAZING. i would be on the side of the road somewhere if i was married to anyone else because they would have kicked me out of the house or car by now. i'm really a huge pain and for the most part, completely useless. i'm sure i'll complain about something he does in the near future, but for now, he's perfect and i'm lucky he hasn't run out of the house screaming(yup, i'm still a crazy emotional person). help me remember this when he refuses to go to the grocery store to get me chocolate ice cream or when he ditches me for a week to go to germany (march 3rd)...

Going Gray???

back in 2006, 1 week before the wedding, i went to van michaels to get the 'gray' hairs dyed out -that's right, all 4 of them. i had 4 strands of gray hair and KNEW that everyone was going to be so distracted by my 4 strands that they wouldn't be able to pay attention to the wedding. so, i did the rational thing, and paid a lot of money to have them dyed out. yes, the colorist laughed at me.

fast forward 2.5 years and i have like a million gray hairs. and THIS HAS JUST HAPPENED!!! so, it makes me wonder, do kids really cause your hair to go gray? my mother always said that i was giving her gray hair - could there be some truth to this??? i mean, ok, so a 5 year old throwing a tantrum is probably not going to cause the silver to come in, but is it possible that the hormones are causing this? it's really gotten out of hand in the past few months and i can't explain it...

so yeah, i'm almost 32 and this could be a cause, but seriously it's so bad that on sunday a friend went to pick something out of my hair, and then realized that it was a strand of gray - just an awkward moment for everyone...

so, now i can also thank the baby for all of the money that i'm going to have to spend on getting my hair colored. husband - are you reading this??? it's not my fault... it's baby's...

happy anniversary

so, today upon waking, I realized that January 18th had passed me by and was really sad. husband and i met on January 18th, 1997, so this year was our 12th anniversary of meeting each other...

i think that i was most saddened by the fact that i completely forgot. and it's not like i remembered a day or so late. i remembered today, february 4th. sure, we have lots of anniversaries now - 2 wedding anniversaries included, but we really don't celebrate anything. we usually go out to dinner for the wedding anniversaries, but we have basically stopped doing anything for each other on any other occassion - christmas, valentines day or any other holiday like that, so we really don't go overboard on anything. i guess i just liked celebrating that day in january because it's just a fun random day in our lives where our paths crossed for the first time.

and let's face it people. i'm pregnant and i get emotional about everything... that's probably what this is...

Do-Over

Dear Baby,

This morning I was scolded by your Aunt Erin. She told me that one day you'll be my 4th blog reader and you may not like what I had to say yesterday... she's probably right, and while I can't say that I didn't mean it (because I was feeling really crappy yesterday), I think I may be able to explain a few things...

First of all, husband and I are really excited about you. We talk about you every day and now I find myself touching my stomach all the time. Just a reflex really, since you're not very big yet (around the size of an apple), but nonetheless, I like knowing that you're there. And as much as I complained about feeling sick and being pukey, I think I'd rather have that than have no symptoms because at least I know you're still there everyday!

Here's the thing... people who have had children (and your Aunt Erin) get so unbelieveable excited when we share the news with them. They jump up and down, they cry, they scream - it's crazy for us - and we get really excited when we see those reactions because we know that means only great things are in store for us. People with children say that you can't comprehend loving some one so quickly, so immediately, so completely and so unconditionally. I guess husband and I are in that phase of not being able to comprehend it yet...

So Baby, I am excited, it's just that it doesn't really seem real yet and the only 'real' thing about being pregnant so far is being sick and pukey, which isn't that much fun. My mom keeps saying that I need to be happy during this time so that you'll come out a happy baby. I personally think that after making me so sick for this long, you should just come out happy because it's what I deserve, but I'll try and cheer up. I'm going to allow myself to be miserable and sick this week, but then I'm off to New Mexico for the weekend for a super fun wedding. And next week, I think things will be better. We're going to be looking for childcare for you as well as starting to clean out the spare bedroom (also known as your room). Maybe then you'll start to be a little more real to us...

I'll keep you updated - but seriously, if you could stop making me sick and stop getting so grossed out at every smell, things will be easier for me... thanks Baby...

Love, me

sick and tired...

so, since i only know of like 3 people who read my blog, i haven't really mentioned that i'm pregnant yet. mainly because the 3 of you already know, so i didn't think there would be much to mention. if anyone else does read this, you'll have to comment or email me sometime so i know to keep my news more timely.

so yeah, i'm almost 15 weeks and am still feeling like crap. the good news is that i started feeling a lot better last week. the bad news is that i got sick - like the cold and fever type - which has somehow made me start puking again and so i feel crappy again. i've heard that pregnant people get sick a lot which is really not fair. not only do i puke because of food, or bad smells, or thinking about things that gross me out, or because i have to go to the bathroom, but now i'm gonna get sick a lot? yeah, i know that husband has to deal with me, which hasn't been easy since i can't open the fridge or go into a grocery store because of the abundance of bad smelling items in either place, and so he's forced to do everything, but i think that's better than wanting to throw up all the time... he doesn't seem to think so, but you'll never hear about it since he apparently boycotts this site (and no, i don't count him as one of the three readers).

i've heard that feeling this way is actually quite good for baby, so that part makes me happy. and since i'm not really displaying other signs of being pregnant, i guess it's nice to know that something is going on inside of me...

anyway, here's a picture of baby at 12 weeks. we started out calling it an alien, but i've stopped in the past few weeks - i guess i'm not feeling as sick as i was in the beginning. i think the ultrasound is pretty cool since you can really make out baby - for those of you who can't, the top picture is the baby's face - the baby is laying on it's back, so it's a profile shot. the bottom picture is the whole baby - profile shot again, still on it's back.

i'm hoping that this cold passes soon so that i can start enjoying being pregnant. not sure how that's going to be, but anything has to be better than how i've been feeling... wish me luck!